Why Women Struggle With “I Don’t Know What I Need” and how to heal that Emotional Disconnection
Women are great at identifying the needs of everyone around them. It’s almost as if they can look at you and instantly know what you need or what will make your day better. However, they sometimes struggle to do the same for themselves. Phrases like ‘I don’t know’ become a part of their automatic response when asked about their needs, not because they lack self-awareness, but because the connection with their inner self gets dimmed. This sort of emotional disconnection does not show up suddenly but rather develops over a period of time due to different reasons. Thus, the first step towards inner healing would require identification of these reasons and then gently learning how you truly feel and trusting yourself in the process.
What Does Emotional Disconnection Really Mean?
Many women have a hard time identifying emotional disconnection with their own selves, especially because of how subtly it shows up sometimes. Contrary to popular belief, emotional disconnection isn’t loud or exuberant. It can be as simple as feeling confused or unsure of how you’d want to spend your day, or what you’d like to eat, or where you would like to hang out. Suddenly feeling numb or confused when faced with such questions is also a sign of disconnect.
Similarly, living in your head may also be a sign of emotional disconnection. This may look like overanalyzing your days, constantly thinking about a decision that you have to make, but feeling confused when actually making that decision. Disconnection may also be saying ‘I don’t know’ a lot whenever asked about your feelings or preferences.
How Do Women Learn to Disconnect From Their Needs
A study claims that women may have more difficulty in identifying and describing their emotions as compared to men. This difference can be attributed to the way girls are brought up. From a young age, they are praised for their emotional attention to others’ needs and for taking care of everyone around them. This leads to a constant neglect of their own needs, which leads to emotional disconnection growing up.
Growing up in an environment where expressing one’s own needs was not encouraged or where one did not feel safe enough could also be one reason. Women are also culturally taught to be ‘strong’ and ‘low-maintenance,’ which teaches them to dismiss any signs of burnout or stress. All of this eventually builds up and propels women into a space of confusion, numbness, and lack of inner trust.
Root Causes Behind Ongoing Emotional Disconnection
While it is true that the origins of emotional disconnection can be majorly attributed to upbringing and traditional values, there are other root causes that can be uncovered. One of them is the presence of chronic stress and burnout in women. In today’s world, women find themselves in many different roles, both professionally and personally. From an employee to a mother, daughter, wife, women are simultaneously juggling different roles, which eventually leads to burnout.
Women also find themselves suppressing their anger, grief, or desire in order to maintain harmony as primary caregivers in different settings. Moreover, due to time constraints in the present fast-paced world, it may also be difficult for women to take out time to deal with their emotions. Which leads to a constant cycle of overworking, burnout, and emotional disconnection.
7 Ways in Which Emotional Disconnection Shows Up in Everyday Life
Emotional disconnection can be hard to identify. It shows up in our everyday lives in subtle ways, but noticing them earlier can help in bringing about changes that can restore self-trust.
Difficulty Making Decisions
Overthinking even simple choices, like what to have for dinner, can signify emotional disconnect.
Feeling Detached in Relationships
This is when you are physically present with your loved ones but still feel distant from them because your mind is elsewhere.
Emotional Shutdown
When faced with a crisis, such as a big fight or conflict, you will find yourself numbing out or going blank as your mind is unable to respond to the scene at hand.
Trouble Naming Feelings
When someone asks you ‘How do you feel today?’ and you don’t really know how you feel or have trouble naming that feeling.
Feeling Frustrated
Making decisions too quickly without thinking through them and then feeling frustrated later on.
Chronic Exhaustion
You may be feeling extremely exhausted and overworked, which doesn’t improve with rest.
Seeking External Validation
When our inner compass doesn’t tell us what to do, we try to seek validation from the outer world, in terms of how to feel and what to do.
The Freeze Response Behind ‘I Don’t Know’
It is important to understand that sometimes emotional disconnection is a protective response of the nervous system. Whenever there are too many emotions to process and feel, the body starts getting overwhelmed, and as a result, it enters a ‘freeze’ state. According to research, this is when the body alters its autonomic nervous system response as a way to protect itself.
The ‘freeze’ state may physically manifest as numbness, heaviness, fatigue, or fogginess. Thus, when someone says ‘I don’t know,’ they might actually be in a state of shutdown and require gentle guidance that lets them connect with their inner self.
5 Ways to Heal Emotional Disconnection
Slow Down
It gets difficult to understand your own feelings when too many things pile up together. Slow down, take a breather, and take time to notice how you feel both mentally and physically. Awareness is the first step towards reconnection!
Journal Emotional Check-Ins
When you’re not sure how you’re feeling, write down all the things that you could possibly feel. Write about your day and interactions, and you might reach a position where your emotions start making sense to you.
Start With Small Preferences
It is perfectly fine not to know everything, but starting somewhere can be extremely helpful. Start your day by actively choosing what to eat or what to wear. Building your internal voice strengthens your sense of self and confidence.
Pause Before You Respond
So many times, we rush into answers and solutions without even thinking. This leads to responses that we don’t feel connected to. Thus, when faced with a question or a situation, take time to truly assess the situation. See how you feel about it and then respond.
Seek Therapy
When self-help doesn’t seem to be working, a supportive therapeutic space can help you process your past experiences and rebuild inner trust.
How Somatic Therapy Can Help
Self-help can be a powerful tool when faced with emotional disconnection. Self-talk, journaling, and daily check-ins can all help women connect with their inner selves and build the confidence to make active decisions. But sometimes when that isn’t enough, it is always okay to reach out for help.
When dealing with emotional disconnection, somatic therapy can prove to be extremely beneficial. As compared to talk therapy, it does not merely listen or analyze your experiences based on recall, but builds a bridge between the mind and the body. It creates a sense of bodily awareness and helps you reconnect with the sensations, emotions, and nervous system responses stored in the body. So not only are you emotionally becoming self-aware, but you’re also letting go of the numbness and heaviness that you feel in your body as a result of disconnection.
At Rooted Rhythm, we offer somatic therapy that can help you feel safer in your body, make you more attuned to your needs, and more confident in expressing your emotions!
FAQ:
Q1. What is emotional disconnection?
Emotional disconnection is when you’re not aware of your own emotions and feel detached from them.
Q2. Why do women experience emotional disconnection?
Women may experience more emotional disconnection due to an upbringing that favors sacrifice, caregiving, chronic stress, and people-pleasing patterns that have been instilled since childhood.
Q3. How can I tell if I’m emotionally disconnected?
Even though there are many signs, you may feel numb, distant in close relationships, and struggle to make decisions. Even frequently saying ‘I don’t know’ when asked how you feel can be a sign of emotional disconnection.
Q4. Can therapy help with emotional disconnection?
Absolutely! Approaches like somatic therapy can be extremely helpful in building body awareness that helps you reconnect with your emotions on a deeper level.
Written by the Rooted Rhythm team, a women-centered therapy practice dedicated to healing emotional disconnection and supporting women in moving from numbness to clarity. With compassion and care at the heart of our process.
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