8 Year Old Emotional Meltdowns: How to Support Your Sensitive Kiddo
Takeaway: If you’re confused and overwhelmed by your 8-year-old’s temper tantrums, you’re not alone. Thankfully, with some intentional parenting shifts, you can learn how to effectively support your child with their big feelings. Here, I shed some light on the reasons why these emotional outbursts occur and share my favorite strategies for how you can help.
Understanding tantrums in 8-year-olds
It can be challenging when you don't understand your child's behavior or how to help them. You might even worry if you're a "bad" parent, even if you've tried everything you can think of to help your kiddo in these moments. I hear this all the time from the families I work with in my parent coaching practice.
Rest assured, you're not the only family struggling, and you're not doing a "bad" job. By learning more about your child's tantrums and staying open to how you can show up differently as a parent, your whole family will feel more confident and grounded in coping with big feelings.
What temper tantrums or emotional meltdowns look like
If your 8-year-old is struggling with tantrums, emotional meltdowns, or angry outbursts, you probably have a good sense of what they look like. However, one child's behavior can look very different from another's. Here are some common signs of a temper tantrum.
Crying
Screaming
Kicking
Throwing things
Hitting
Biting
Going limp or rigid
Breath-holding spells
Head banging
Aggression
Keep in mind that not all tantrums look the same, even with the same child. And even though you might feel triggered by your child's behavior, know that tantrums can be "normal" even for older kids.
Your child's brain is still developing, and they haven't yet mastered how to express their feelings in a calm, constructive way (similar to many adults!). It's okay for you to feel overwhelmed by what may seem like "negative" behavior, but know that there are valid reasons why tantrums happen.
Common reasons why tantrums happen
Again, each child is unique, so there's no singular reason why kids have emotional meltdowns. You know your child best, so you might already have a strong sense of what might trigger a tantrum. However, learning more about possible causes might uncover some possibilities you hadn't yet considered.
Here are some common triggers for temper tantrums in 8-year-olds.
Strong feelings. Even though your child is a little older now, they're still learning how to cope with their emotions. Managing anger, sadness, fear, and other big feelings is hard for anyone, especially our little ones. When their feelings get to be all too much, they might come out in the form of an emotional outburst.
Developmental stage. Remember, we're dealing with an 8-year-old's brain, not an adult's brain. Your kiddo's brain is still growing, and they need your support to learn how to understand and cope with their feelings.
This is especially true if you struggled to embrace your child's emotions when they were a toddler. If this was the case, your child's brain might regress to the terrible two's age 7 or 8 as a second chance for learning these skills. (I explain this in-depth in my TUNED IN Parenting Course, so check it out for more information.)
Unmet physical needs. Sometimes, your child's tantrum might have a much simpler cause. Needing to use the bathroom, getting "hangry," or being exhausted are all reasons why your child might feel overwhelmed. This may be especially true if there are multiple unmet physical needs at once.
Lack of control. If you really think about it, kiddos don't have much control over their day-to-day life. Us grown-ups are constantly telling them what to do: wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast, put your shoes on, brush your teeth, get on the bus, sit in your seat, and the list goes on. When your child is fed up with not getting a say, they might act out.
Disappointment. Similarly, your child might throw a tantrum when they don't get their way. Even if you're setting a loving boundary (think: saying no to another piece of Halloween candy when they've already had three) that's in your kiddo's best interest, they might feel upset.
It can be tough to maintain your boundary when your child has a big reaction, but this is our job as parents.
Changes or transitions. Coping with changes—big or small—can be hard for anyone, especially our little ones. If your child is adjusting to a new classroom or new sibling, they might be more prone to throwing tantrums. Smaller transitions, like switching from playing with toys to getting ready for bed, can also be a trigger.
Parental stress. Children are highly attuned to their parent's emotions, especially if they're a highly sensitive child (more on that in a moment). If you're struggling to cope with your own feelings, your kiddo is likely to pick up on that and might feel more emotional themselves.
Of course, having your own emotions is completely natural. However, it's important to be mindful of how you express and cope with them.
Sensory processing issues. Kids with sensory processing disorder may be more prone to big emotional meltdowns. Children who are affected by this disorder are more sensitive to stimulation from their environment, like sounds, smells, and bright lights. This can be overwhelming and lead to tantrums.
Other emotional or behavioral challenges. Research shows that other mental health and developmental concerns can also contribute to emotional outbursts.
If your child has ADHD, anxiety, or other challenges, they might have more frequent, intense tantrums than other kids their age. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), experiencing a traumatic event can also cause children to act out.
High sensitivity. Children who are highly sensitive may also be more prone to emotional outbursts. These kiddos are super in touch with their environment and their caregiver's feelings.
Taking in all this information, on top of feeling their own big feelings, creates the perfect storm for tantrums. Thankfully, learning more about highly sensitive children and how to support them can help.
The Highly Sensitive Child
While kiddos of any age can have a tantrum, highly sensitive children may be more prone to these kinds of emotional outbursts. No, your child isn't trying to be difficult—they were born this way! It's not their fault, and it's not your fault as a parent, either.
Dr. Elaine Aron, a psychologist and researcher, started studying high sensitivity over three decades ago. Her research found that about 15-20 percent of the population is highly sensitive. Unlike anxiety or ADHD, it's not a disorder. Rather, it's a trait that's woven into your kiddo's genetic makeup.
While your highly sensitive child has challenges that most kids might not face, your sensitive kiddo also has their own superpowers. They have strong intuition and sense of empathy for those around them. These gifts and struggles deserve special attention. With some intentional parenting shifts, your family can feel more grounded and connected.
Signs of a highly sensitive child
First, it's important to understand whether or not your child is highly sensitive. Keep in mind that high sensitivity isn't a diagnosis. However, many of the parents that I work with immediately see their child in the list below.
Big emotions. Highly sensitive kiddos often have high highs and low lows. Managing tantrums might feel extra tough with these children because it takes longer to calm down. However, helping your little boy or girl embrace their strong emotions is extra-important when they feel everything so deeply.
Compassion for others. Since your child is so in tune with their feelings, they can also pick up on the emotions of those around them. This makes them highly empathetic, which is an amazing gift. But, it can also take a toll on their energy.
Overstimulation. Oftentimes, highly sensitive children get overstimulated more easily than other kids. They're constantly taking in input from their environment while also dealing with all the internal stimulation they already have from the big emotions.
Deeply affected by criticism. Your sensitive kiddo may have a harder time taking criticism than other kids their age. Since many highly sensitive children are also perfectionists, they can take critiques especially hard.
Vivid imagination. Since your child feels things so deeply and is tuned into their environment, they are likely to be creative and imaginative. While everyone can benefit from having creative outlets, they may be especially important for highly sensitive kids.
These are just a few signs of highly sensitive children. For a more detailed explanation of how this trait may be expressed in kiddos, check out these 10 habits of highly sensitive children. If many of them resonate with your daughter or son's behavior, it's likely they're highly sensitive. My highly sensitive child test is another helpful tool to better understand your child as well.
Supporting your highly sensitive child
Sensitive kiddos require especially intentional, nurturing parenting in order to thrive. As a child therapist for highly sensitive children, the tips I'll share below are especially applicable for kids with this trait. However, your family may benefit from a deeper dive to find the most harmony and support possible.
My Highly Sensitive Child bundle is a mini-course that's specially designed for parents of highly sensitive kiddos. You'll learn everything you need to know about how this trait shows up in kids and tangible tools to help your child feel supported.
It's also important to note that since high sensitivity is a genetic trait, many parents of sensitive kids are highly sensitive themselves. Again, this isn't your fault! At the same time, it's our responsibility as parents to take ownership of our own emotions and be really intentional with how we parent. I have tons of information on taking this radical responsibility for our own emotional healing in the mini-course.
How to deal with 8-year-old tantrums
It's easy for parents to get overwhelmed by their kiddo's emotions and behavior. We're allowed to have our own feelings, too! But it's our job to remain calm and help our children learn how to process and cope with their emotions.
While there's no magic formula for managing tantrums in 8-year-olds (or kids of any age), there are plenty of tools you can use to show up differently and more effectively with your little ones. Here are some of my favorites that I suggest to my own coaching and therapy clients, as well as the students in my courses.
Identifying your child's triggers
Learning what triggers your child is one of the most important things you can do to prevent future tantrums from occurring.
Of course, emotional meltdowns are still bound to happen from time to time. However, if you can tune into what your kiddo struggles with most, you can provide them extra support during these times. For example, if transitions are especially hard for your little one, you can use reminders or a visual timer when a change is about to happen.
Validating your child's emotions
Even though you might wish your child had more self-control in these tough moments, it's still important to accept that their feelings are real and valid. When you dismiss their feelings, your child learns that it's not okay to have emotions, and this doesn't actually solve anything.
You might not even notice the little ways you invalidate your child: for example, telling them "you're okay" when they're clearly not. Doing our own reflection and inner work as parents can help us radically accept whatever feelings our child has.
Teaching your child emotional regulation skills
At the same time, validating your child's feelings isn't the same as excusing any behavior. We want to teach our kiddos healthy, constructive ways to express themselves and regulate their emotions. Try a guided meditation, like my butterfly body scan, or support your child in taking deep breaths until they're feeling more regulated. Bonus: using these coping skills alongside your kiddo can help you feel calmer, too!
Leading by example
Our kids absorb so much information from how we act, speak, and feel, even when we don't realize they're paying attention. This is especially true for highly sensitive children. When we do our own internal work as parents and heal from the emotional wounds we're unconsciously bringing into our parenting, we can help our little ones learn the skills they need to self-soothe as well.
Not sure where to begin? My parenting essentials mini-course is a great place to start, whether you have a highly sensitive child or not. I explain how to start healing your inner child and give you tangible tools to incorporate into your daily life as a family.
Reinforcing positive behaviors
As we discussed earlier, sensitive kiddos take criticism extra hard. Focusing on rewarding good behavior (alongside setting loving boundaries) can be a helpful way to support them. Take extra care to notice when they used a coping skill or expressed their emotions in a healthy way. This positive reinforcement will encourage them to continue using those tools.
Seeking professional support when needed
It's important to remember that you don't have to navigate this all alone. This is a lot to take in, and deciding to embark on healing your inner child while also showing up intentionally with your kiddo takes a lot of conscious effort.
Take a deep breath: you can do it, and a little support can go a long way. Whether you choose to work with a one-on-one parent coach or try self-paced resources like my courses, knowing that you're not alone can be invaluable.
Finding comfort, ease, and joy in family life is possible. Reach out today to learn more about how I can help.
If you're not sure which option is best for you, I encourage you to contact me or schedule a complimentary 20-minute consultation. Soon, you'll have the support you need to help your family thrive. I look forward to connecting with you!