Using the Right Language for Highly Sensitive Children: Phrases That Calm, Connect, and Empower
Language is not just a tool for communication but also a tool of connection. Through words, we share our thoughts, express our feelings, and thus connect to the people around us. For highly sensitive children, this tool of connection is particularly important and delicate, as it profoundly affects how they perceive the world and everything around them. When discussing the appropriate language for highly sensitive children, the tone, choice of words, and even pauses, everything matters. It can either nurture trust or trigger overwhelm in them, and so we must be thoughtful with our expressions. In this article, explore gentle, effective language for highly sensitive children. Learn simple phrases to calm, connect, and build trust without shame or overwhelm!
Why Choosing the Right Language for Highly Sensitive Children Matters
Highly sensitive children experience the world with a heightened emotional and sensory awareness. And so, what may just be a simple comment for one child might be deeply personal to a highly sensitive child.
Language for highly sensitive children can be a highly personal experience. Because they think deeply and therefore feel deeply too, they can dwell on words for too long.
Phrases that we speak both intentionally and unintentionally can lead to overwhelm and even burden them if not spoken with care. This can trigger a stress response in children, which may be in the form of withdrawal, tears, or even frustration. But being intentional and thoughtful with our words tells that their feelings are valid. Choosing the right words builds trust and connection and helps them flourish in a world where they feel safe.
Language for highly sensitive children is also a gateway into their feelings. By speaking with honesty and care, we are giving them a blueprint of how to be expressive. They will then choose the same words and phrases to express their feelings, which does wonders for their emotional well-being. Research claims that parents who recognized their children’s emotional state and communicated through careful words resulted in children gaining better language abilities by one year.
How Language for Highly Sensitive Children Shapes Emotional Safety
Abrupt or overly critical language can make a highly sensitive child feel misunderstood or unsafe, which may lead them to avoid any kind of interaction at all. On the other hand, language for highly sensitive children that is gentle and respectful can build emotional safety. Here are a few commonly used phrases that can be disruptive, and what you can say instead:
‘Stop crying. It’s not that big of a deal’
Instead: ‘I can see that this is upsetting for you. Would you like to talk about it?’
Rather than being dismissive, empathizing with your children can make them feel emotionally validated and understood. It is also one of the qualities of a good parent! Read more about it here.
‘Hurry up, we’re getting late!’
Instead: ‘Let’s see if we can get this done together quickly!’
This phrase avoids creating panic and thus signals to the child that they are not alone in their endeavors. Helping them get ready can also be a fun time for bonding!!
‘You’re being too sensitive’
Instead: ‘You feel things deeply. And that’s a superpower!’
Highly sensitive kids often need to be reminded that their sensitivity is a strength, and this phrase achieves that.
‘Calm down’
Instead: ‘Let’s take a deep breath together. We can get through this.’
Even though this phrase (‘calm down’) is said without any ill intention, it shuts off highly sensitive children without helping them. Helping them with the process of calming down with co-regulated breathing exercises can be much more helpful.
‘You will be fine’
Instead: ‘It seems like you’re not doing okay. Would you like to tell me more?’
Parents believe that prompting their kids to ‘toughen up’ is beneficial for them. But in reality, kids feel the need to be understood. Once we recognize their troubles and ask them about it, we are inviting them to open up.
‘Don’t be scared’
Instead: ‘It’s okay to be scared. Just know that I am here with you’
The reality is that kids will feel scared, and they can not help it. It is, however, important to tell them that it is okay to feel scared and that they are not alone.
‘Why are you making such a fuss?’
Instead: ‘Can you help me understand what you’re feeling?’
Highly sensitive children are particular about their routines and their things. So what may seem like ‘fuss’ may be them reacting to something that they can’t easily verbalise. Thus, it’s very important to try learning what is making them upset.
‘Come on, don’t be shy’
Instead: ‘There’s no rush at all, take your time’
Before a highly stimulating social interaction, sensitive children may need a time out to gather their energy, which means that they are not necessarily just being shy. It’s important that we give them that assurance by using the right words.
‘It’s not that bad’
Instead: ‘That must be hard for you. Let’s see what we can do next.
Know that highly sensitive children view the world with an extra layer of depth. So what may be nothing for you may be a big deal for them. Always validate their feelings and collaborate with them.
‘Stop overreacting’
Instead: ‘Your feelings matter. Let’s find a way to make you feel better.’
Highly sensitive kids may shut down when they feel overly stimulated. It’s important to recognize this overwhelm and then offer to help them accordingly.
Empathy-Driven Language for Highly Sensitive Children in the Classroom
Children spend a lot of their time in schools, and so classrooms are an important teaching tool for different areas of life. The language used in a classroom is not just essential for academic instruction, but it can also play an important role in shaping a child’s thought process and self-esteem. So, children are more likely to thrive in classrooms where words are used with empathy and patience.
To adopt empathy-driven language, teachers must begin seeing the world from a child’s perspective and then replace quick judgments with thoughtful phrases. Such as saying ‘It seems like the noise was a bit overwhelming for you’ instead of saying ‘It’s okay, that happens!’ can signal to a child that their feelings are valid. This prevents feelings of alienation and builds a healthy connection.
Empathy-driven language for highly sensitive children also consists of affirmations and encouragement. By choosing the right words to praise a highly sensitive child, we are celebrating not just their achievements but also their effort and perseverance. Instead of a generic ‘Well done,’ teachers can say, ‘I noticed how you kept trying even though this was a difficult problem to solve,’ or ‘it was very kind of you to help out your classmate.’ Phrases like these build positive self-esteem and encourage children to feel confident and motivated in a classroom setting. This is how learning becomes joyous.
Language for Highly Sensitive Children: Guiding With Respect
It goes without saying that in the process of learning and growing up, kids will mess up sometimes, and as caregivers, it is our responsibility to correct them. But highly sensitive children often feel the emotional weight of such correction more deeply than others. Using traditional approaches of disciplining children can trigger fear, inadequacy, and embarrassment, which does more harm than good. And so it becomes important to correct children in a way that preserves their dignity and sets clear boundaries without shaming them.
To begin this journey of ‘respectful correction’, it is important to separate the child from the behaviour. Always be clear and precise in pointing out the action. Here are a few phrases that can be used to guide without shaming:
‘That choice was not safe. What can we do differently next time?’
‘Your feelings are valid, but that action hurts someone. Let’s find a better way of communicating this.
‘I can see that you are upset. How can we solve this problem together?’
‘I know you can make a better choice. Let’s think through this’
‘We all make mistakes when learning something. Any ideas on how to fix this?’
The Non-Verbal Cues in Language for Highly Sensitive Children
Language for highly sensitive children is not just words. It’s also how you say those words!! The expressions that you convey or the tone that you adopt are all powerful language cues that can easily change the message of your words if you’re not careful.
For example, a sigh or higher tone can feel magnified to a highly sensitive child even if you’re using gentle words. A calm and steady tone is therefore necessary to communicate safety and care even when correcting or setting boundaries.
Next, timing is extremely crucial! The right words should be said at the right time. For instance, discussing an issue in the heat of the moment can overwhelm a highly sensitive child and thus shut down their ability to listen. In such scenarios, it is best to wait until emotions have cooled down so you can discuss what went wrong without letting your child feel emotionally attacked. This can be as simple as saying, ‘Let’s talk about this after we both have had a chance to calm down.’
The Lasting Impact of Gentle Communication
Language for highly sensitive children is a daily opportunity to build trust and nurturing confidence in them. Remember, there may be times when you say something that you don’t mean or when something comes off as too sharp, even with the right intention. And that is okay! Saying something like, ‘I’m sorry I spoke in a harsh tone earlier. I would like to try again.’, will model accountability and build a healthy road to communication with your child. By approaching communication with thought and care, we are not just guiding our children’s behavior, but we are also shaping how these children speak to themselves and others for the rest of their lives!
