How to Be an Emotionally Intelligent Parent? (Through the Lens of Gentle Parenting)
Parenting is an extremely special, yet transformative journey that we get to be a part of alongside our children. We get to grow in ways that we might have never expected. And while most of this journey is based on guiding behavior, we must not forget that it also entails connecting with your child emotionally and nurturing them. This requires the right balance of intention and being an emotionally intelligent parent. At its core, emotional intelligence is the skill of being aware of your emotions while also understanding what your child is feeling. Most importantly, it is the art of responding to everyday events with presence rather than pressure. From spilled juice to tantrums at the table, responding as an emotionally intelligent parent helps you connect with your child emotionally while building a home where all big feelings are welcomed, not feared. Keep reading to learn the art of gentle parenting from a grounded and emotionally literate place.
Self-Awareness: The Foundation of an Emotionally Intelligent Parent
Sensitive children often feel deeply about most things in their daily lives. As parents, it is necessary to guide them through their feelings and help them understand how and why they’re feeling a certain way. But before we can do that, we need to fully understand what is going on in our own hearts. This is where self-awareness steps in. Self-awareness is the quiet practice of recognising your own thoughts and feelings without any judgement. It allows you to pause for a second before responding impulsively. There might be times when your child’s behavior may stir up an unhappy memory from the past. This might leave you frustrated. But if you are truly in touch with your inner world, you will be able to identify this pattern. And then before reacting, ask yourself if this response is directed towards a past incident, your unmet needs, or your child’s needs? With this self-knowledge, you will be able to choose a response that aligns with your values. Being a self-aware and emotionally intelligent parent is necessary for fostering resilience in your child, which will help them navigate the world in a much healthier way.
Gentle Parenting as an Emotionally Intelligent Parent
Emotionally intelligent parenting and gentle parenting are two sides of the same coin. At its heart, both notions value empathy, respect, and deep connection. Emotionally intelligent parenting is all about understanding and not just reacting in situations where emotions run high. For example, when a child is throwing a tantrum during bedtime, an emotionally intelligent parent will seek to understand ‘why’ before disciplining their child. This is exactly what gentle parenting preaches as well! To empathize rather than exert authority. Where every meltdown or tantrum is a form of communication and not just bad behavior. Adopting these concepts will help you honour the child’s emotional world while safeguarding yours as well.
6 Ways to Practice Gentle Parenting as an Emotionally Intelligent Parent
Empathize
Highly sensitive children have emotions that are deeply felt. Even when their emotions don’t make logical sense to our adult minds, we must meet them right where they are. To see the world through their eyes is one of the most powerful ways of connecting with them as an emotionally intelligent parent. To them, bad grades may feel like the end of the world, but when you say, “Your feelings are real. You are not alone in them,” you are building trust. And this is exactly what makes a child feel seen.
Connect before you correct
The urge to quickly reach a conclusion or to simply fix a problem is something that we all struggle with. While this may be the fastest solution, it’s not the most healthy in the long run. When you run into a situation with your child, the first thing you must do is achieve calmness. Learn more about how to be a calmer parent here. Next, take a deep breath and understand the situation. And then, do what you can to connect with your child. This may be as simple as kneeling down to their level and making gentle eye contact, holding their hand, or hugging them as they cry. This is a good way to invite cooperation over conflict in any situation.
Guide with Grace
Don’t get us wrong, correcting is still important! But how you do it is what truly matters. Make sure that both you and the child are calm, and then adopt a non-commanding and conversational tone. This helps the child realize that you really just want what is best for them. Always talk about the incident using open-ended questions, and not the child. For example, saying ‘Tearing down that book made your sister really sad. Let’s talk about other ways of showing that you’re upset instead of saying ‘You were being mean.’
Be Curious
It’s very easy to misunderstand a highly sensitive child. Their emotions may spring up throughout the day in different forms, whether you understand them or not. Most of the time, they are doing the best they can to deal with their complex feelings. And so the best you can do as an emotionally intelligent parent is to maintain a curious approach around them. Try asking them, ‘You look really sad, can you talk to me about it?’ or ‘Why does this make you angry, has something been bothering you?’ Such simple statements will enlighten you about your child’s behavior and will also give them time for introspection.
Take responsibility
Being an emotionally intelligent parent does not mean that you’re perfect. It means that you have the ability to recognize your own shortcomings and then apologize for them. Apologizing is the powerful act of showing up with humility, which also teaches your child to do the same.
Nurture daily
To be a gentle and emotionally intelligent parent, connection must be prioritized every day. Making pancakes together, watching a movie, or just cuddling at bedtime can make your child feel emotionally anchored. This continued support allows for a healthy relationship that is open to positive developments.
Common Misconceptions about Gentle Parenting
Never say ‘No’
It is quite often believed that gentle parenting means never saying ‘No’ to your child. While in reality, an emotionally intelligent parent just knows when to say it and how to say it.
It’s too soft for the real world
Rumors are that gentle parenting is going to make your child vulnerable to the real world. However, gentle parenting actually equips your child with the right tools to understand the world better on an emotional level. It also teaches them emotional regulation and empathy, which helps them navigate the world on their own.
Gentle parenting is not for everyone
You’re mistaken if you think that gentle parenting is only for the naturally calm and patient parents. It’s for everyone, because it emphasizes on being present, not perfect. You can be present in your child’s life in any way that works for you, as long as you’re ready to take on this journey!
Children get away with anything
What may seem like being lenient with your child is actually just understanding the root cause of their behavior better. It is easier to scold your child, but that does not help address what’s causing their behavior. As an emotionally intelligent parent, you are just seeking that ‘why’ and responding to it in a much more composed manner.
Children do not respect a parent who isn’t strict
Always remember that respect isn’t built through fear; it must stem from mutual trust and understanding. When you are self-aware of your emotions and you own up to them, you are teaching your child to do the same. This creates a space where your child is able to truly respect you.
Skills of an Emotionally Intelligent Parent
Being an emotionally intelligent parent isn’t about having all the answers, it’s about cultivating the inner skills that help us show up with presence, compassion, and clarity. These skills begin with self-awareness, the ability to notice our emotions without letting them control us. From there, we learn emotional regulation, the practice of grounding ourselves so we can respond rather than react. We grow our empathy, tuning in to our child’s feelings without needing to fix them. We deepen our attuned listening, holding space for their voice, even when it's messy or misunderstood. And we strengthen our communication, using calm, clear, and respectful language to guide rather than shame. These skills aren’t innate; they’re learned, practiced, and refined over time. And each time we use them, we model what emotional maturity looks like in real life. In nurturing these skills, we don’t just teach our children how to manage emotions; we teach them how to stay rooted in a relationship, even when things get hard.
Emotionally Intelligent Parents Know When to Pause
Parenting is a continuous process where you learn something new every day. As an emotionally intelligent parent, as you take care of your child, do not forget to take care of yourself as well. On days when the hustle and bustle of parenting gets to you, take out some time with the Tuned In Parenting - Free Meditation audio to shift your day!