How Fathers’ Sensitive Parenting Helps Their Sensitive Child Feel Emotionally Safe
In the world around us, fathers are seen as the stoic pillars of discipline who are primarily responsible for enforcing rules and preparing their children for the difficult world out there. But under all this portrayal of ‘tough love’ lies a potential for profound understanding and empathy that can be truly transformative for highly sensitive children. Fathers’ sensitive parenting allows the child to view the world a little differently. They’re able to see figures who are dependable but also emotionally present, resilient but understanding at the same time. In this article, we will explore why fathers’ sensitive parenting is essential in healing emotional wounds, foster a sense of security and share practices that can help your child feel seen.
Fathers’ Sensitive Parenting: Meeting the Unique Needs of Highly Sensitive Children
The small things that we may not care about are all greatly amplified for highly sensitive children. It could be that one remark, a misplaced book or a sudden change in routine that becomes all consuming for them. They think and feel too deeply which becomes overwhelming and may even be barely noticeable to adults. So, highly sensitive children need emotional support and regulation within their homes that can not be achieved without fathers’ sensitive parenting.
Research has persistently highlighted the effect of paternal sensitivity on child development, as well as their attachment styles. Paternal sensitivity is when fathers are able to adequately perceive and respond to a child’s emotional and physical needs. This contributes to children’s positive socioemotional development, including their ability to manage emotions, cope with stress, and form healthy relationships.
Healing Emotional Wounds Through Fathers’ Sensitive Parenting
Are there any emotional encounters that are embedded in your memory? Likewise, highly sensitive children tend to keep all such interactions very close to their hearts. It could be praise from their favourite teacher or alternatively, harsh criticism or social rejection from their peers. While good memories will have a positive effect on them, negative experiences lead to emotional wounds that threaten a child’s sense of safety.
Unlike physical wounds that you can see and tend to, emotional wounds are invisible and they amplify over time. If not recognised early, they can manifest later in life as anxiety and social detachment. Children then start shying away from new experiences , fearing that they will get hurt, which takes away from their childhood experience. At such times, children need a father’s sensitive and consistent attunement to heal and look at these wounds from a different perspective.
Fathers’ sensitive parenting can offer them validation and emotional support. Even just listening to your highly sensitive child can reduce the burden of their emotional wounds, it helps them heal in the longer run.
How to Build Trust Through Fathers' Sensitive Parenting
Trust is the stepping stone of any relationship in the world. Your child needs to feel safe enough with you to let their guard down and ask for help. Trust is also the ingredient that can transform both of your lives by building a lifelong connection. But in order to build that trust, you need to actively work towards it.
For starters, you can try listening to them actively! It’s different from passive listening, where you listen to them, pay attention to the details and then ask questions that help you understand them better. Simple statements like ‘I understand how you feel’ or ‘Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?’ can be very powerful when connecting with highly sensitive children. It tells them that their experiences are valid.
Co-regulation: An Underrated Tool
Co-regulation is a dynamic process where two individuals can influence each other’s emotional states and behaviours to create a sense of safety and security. This is a unique way of building trust with your child. It's when you don’t just tell them to trust you, but you actively build that trust with them!!
Co-regulation involves providing a safe space to your child where they can express their emotions without judgment and where they receive subtle yet specific help in learning how to manage them. Over time, this process helps your child in internalizing those self-regulation skills and working through them more independently.
For highly sensitive children who get overwhelmed easily, having a father who stays with them and approaches their emotions with a calm and steady response can ultimately help re-tune their emotions as well. It’s like shifting them from a fight-or-flight state to a more grounded reality where they ultimately feel safe.
For instance, if your child gets scared at the top of a slide that they were excited to try, then all you need to do as a dad is to get down to their level, place a hand on their back, and say, ‘Let’s do this together!’ Count to three and take that slide with them, because in a state of fear, your calm and support is what they need. And this is exactly how they will start approaching their other fears as well.
Fathers’ Sensitive Parenting: 5 Ways to Bond With Your Child Every Day
Morning Check-In
Before stepping into the hustle and bustle of the day, take a minute to talk to your child about how they’re feeling and what their expectations are for the day. If they’re comfortable, a hug or a high-five can be a quick form of connecting as well.
Co-regulate!
Now that we know the benefits of co-regulation, take small steps to practise it with your child. This may be in the form of breathing practices that help you take a break. Not only is this good for their nervous systems, but it helps avoid emotional overwhelm later in the day.
Attuned Playtime
The key to fathers’ sensitive parenting is learning what works for your child. As a highly sensitive child, they may not enjoy highly stimulating activities. So, scheduling short activities with them could be a great way of connecting with them. Build a puzzle, color, listen to music, and have fun!
Emotional Reflection
Schedule days in a week when you sit down with your child for a debrief session. It could be over bedtime or during a day out over the weekend. Encourage your child to name their feelings, and help them understand their own feelings if they are unable to. Also, talk about your own feelings so that your child knows that this is normal.
Gentle Challenges
Succeeding at parenting not only means seeking to understand but also encouraging independence. And for this, you need to support your child in the best way possible. Identify something that they find challenging, like calling a friend, and then offer to do it together. This way, you’re actually helping them navigate their life, but also building that trust!
Fathers’ Sensitive Parenting: Challenges
Stereotypes
Let’s be real, we have all heard a few stereotypical statements when it comes to parenting, like ‘Tough dads are the best dads.’ But we know that that’s not true! Sensitive and thoughtful parenting can feel at odds with cultural expectations, but you don’t have to second guess yourself.
Limited Role Models
There is no manual for learning fathers’ sensitive parenting! But what makes it tougher is how many fathers today do not have a role model to look up to. Many men grew up without male figures who routinely expressed love or displayed emotional vulnerability, so it can be tough.
Time Pressure
Work demands, household chores, and other extracurricular activities can be quite demanding. Amidst the bustle of everyday life, it can be difficult to take time for mindful check-ins, but all you need to get started is an intent and a plan!
Own Emotional Dysregulation
Remember that children are likely to learn from you, even when you’re not noticing. Thus, sensitive parenting requires a father to regulate their own emotions first so that you’re fully able to show up when your child needs you.
Fear of ‘Spoiling’
Dads often worry that if they run to help their child in difficult times, then they may be reinforcing dependence. However, it's quite the opposite, especially with highly sensitive kids. Timely recognition of their feelings teaches them self-regulation.
Signs that Fathers’ Sensitive Parenting Is Working
Is your child now casually discussing how their day was at school? Then it’s a sign that you’re succeeding at sensitive parenting! A candid conversation, text, or a hug are all signs that they feel safe. You will still notice all the big feelings: sadness, anger, and anxiety. But even when they do come to the surface, your child will be able to return to their everyday routine without feeling the emotional overwhelm. This happens when they’ve learned from your co-regulation!
When Fathers’ Sensitive Parenting Needs Backup
Even with the right understanding and approach, fathers may find themselves at a point where they need an extra pair of hands or hearts! And it’s never a sign of failure, just a learning curve for everyone. You may want to reach out to your partner when you feel overwhelmed. Schedule debrief sessions with them, talk about progress, and openly express your feelings. You might also find fatherhood support circles that are all invested in fathers’ sensitive parenting. Share tips with them, take their feedback, and build a community that you can always turn to when you need help!
Similarly, don’t be afraid to reach out for professional help in this extremely rewarding journey. At Rooted Rhythm, our Tuned In Parenting course is perfectly designed to guide you through the journey of parenting with practical tools and emotional insights!